Idosyncrasies of Fluffy and a bottle of sake
by hentai18ancilla
Summary: This is a zany tale not meant to make linear sense except to question why Sesshoumaru dresses up like a geisha and how come drunks have headaches?


Okay my peeps! This is a zany tale not meant to make any sense…enjoy!

And for the first time I didn't use profanity or write a sex scene, I feel so proud of myself+

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**Sesshoumaru: **"This Sesshoumaru does not understand why you follow that half-breed Kagome, why do you?"

**Kagome: **Because he has great buns! Like duh! Why do you think I always make him sit?

**Sesshoumaru: **"Buns? This Sesshoumarudoes not understand that terminology, enucleate."

**Kagome: **"Ya don't know what it means-or is Fluffy embarrassed?"

**Sesshoumaru: **"This Sesshoumaru does not comprehend your vernacular, ningen, explain to this Sesshoumaru or feel the wrath of my poison claws…"

**Kagome: **"Geesh! Is someone touchy or what?" +Turns around and starts to dance in circles while singing, "I wanna be touched by you, just you!"+

**Sesshoumaru: **"Are you making a pass at this Sesshoumaru you worthless ningen? Because this Sesshoumaru, the Great Omnipotent Lord of the Western Lands is not interested."

**Kagome: **"Hah! As if I want your scruffy ass!"

**Sesshoumaru: **"What is it with you and 'asses'? Are you just like that perverted monk Miroku? Figures that ningens have no class nor manners."

**Kagome: **"Well scruffy was an insult at your appearance because that sake went into your head hours ago and when you started to crawl on your hands and knees howling to the moon…"

**Sesshoumaru: **"Silence! This Sesshoumaru did no such thing!"

**Kagome: **"Oh yeah? What's that you got between your paws puppy?"

Sesshoumaru looks down and sees a huge bone nestled protectively in between his claws+

**Sesshoumaru**: "This Sesshoumaru does not explain himself to ningens. And that still does not quell your strange fixation with 'asses' ningen."

**Kagome: **"As I was saying! The ass was in reference to your comportment dumbass!"

**Sesshoumaru**: "This Sesshoumaru cannot be a gluteus maximus, you senseless ningen."

**Kagome: **" 'Ass' means you act like one which alludes to an animal belonging to the family of a horse that acts stupid and has little brains whatsoever. This is how I explain your actuation. You see, Sesshoumaru, in reality you are suffering from withdrawal and feel the need to mark everything as 'yours' to compensate for your loneliness and the reason you kill is because you miss your father and so you harm things because he left you all those many years ago…This is why you piss all over the lands marking territory for the Western Lands! That or your PMS-ing…Hey Sesshy-Poo are you really a girl? You look feminine enough. Yes…you must be a girl!"

**Sesshoumaru**: "……" -.-

**Kagome: **"It's okay, Sesshy-Poo! I'll give you a little wittle doggie woggie treat if you're good!"

**Sesshoumaru**: "Cease your ramblings wench. This Sesshoumaru does not urinate on the lands to mark his property. I simply spray it with my scent using a brief dose of urine, and desist in your attempts of stealing MY sake bottle or your math book is in for it…"

**Kagome: **"My math book you say?… "Yupee!"

Sesshoumaru ignores her and clutches the sake bottle close to his heart, while whimpering softly to it's rim+

**Sesshoumaru**: "Sake…Oh my precious sake bottle…Ai Shiteru…"

**Kagome: **"Oh Sesshoumaru! I LOVE YOU TOO!"

Inuyasha was walking quietly by sniffing Ramen in the air when he heard that declaration, and there off in the distance he saw his onni-san lying on the ground cradling something ever so tenderly to his side with a look of utmost love and his heart broke. He had heard Kagome outburst but chose to ignore it for it couldn't be-but there she was with the Taiyoukai, swearing her love for him, and forgetting her promise to him….O RAMEN! What would happen to his dear Ramen noodles? Would they wither and die all alone, bereft of his meticulous attention, his ardor? No, he couldn't let that happen, HE WOULD SAVE HIS NOODLES IF IT WERE TO BE THE LAST THING HE WOULD EVER DO! And with that in mind he bound into the clearing and stole Kagome's backpack. Disappearing as suddenly as he had come+

**Kagome: **"Did you see that?"

**Sesshoumaru**: "This Sesshoumaru is occupied at the moment, cease your discourse ningen, can you not see that my mate and I are busy?"

**Kagome: **"Your mate? O Fluffy! You mean…you…and me?"

**Sesshoumaru**: "NO wench I mean her and I. Sake dearest, do you mind if I drain you?"

**Kagome: **"Sesshoumaru you are drunk! And you cannot take a beer bottle as your mate!"

**Sesshoumaru**: "Says who? Mommy wouldn't mind, in fact she said that my father loves his sake. I will follow in his brave footsteps! I will-

**Kagome: **"Are you feeling a bit queasy? That's what happens when you over indulge you dork!"

A while later the Great Lord of the Western Lands turns green and pukes over the bushes+

**Sesshoumaru**: "This Sesshoumaru is dying and all you can do is scream! Stop….O! The noise, the terrible noise… How could you betray me sake? How could you? And I loved you soo much….NOW DIE."

As sudden as his love was it turns to indiscriminate hate and the bottle is demolished in the Taiyoukai's fury+

**Kagome: **"Did you really have to melt it into a puddle of green goo? I mean wasn't it enough when you shattered it into a million pieces? You baka! Now I will never finish my toast to your mating!"

**Sesshoumaru**: "Ningen, forget the traitorous sake, this Sesshoumaru is passing into Maki, but promise me one thing before I die."

**Kagome: **"Yes Fluffy?"

**Sesshoumaru**: "Will you rub my tail?"

**Kagome: **"WHAT!"

**Sesshoumaru**: "This Sesshoumaru will not repeat himself, do so or bleed, it is your choice ningen."

Kagome opens her mouth, and then she closes it, and then she opens it again+

**Sesshoumaru**: "This Sesshoumaru is waiting…ichi, ni, san, yon, go, roku, nana…"

**Kagome: **"Okay, but don't tell Inuyasha, Fluffy."

**Sesshoumaru**: "Hn."

Kagome begins to rub the big fluffy tail while Sesshoumaru is half past out muttering about going to hell, when she hears the stoic Lord rumble+

**Sesshoumaru**: "Prrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr……………."

**Kagome: **"Did you just purr? KAWAIII!"

Kagome glomps Sesshoumaru who has lost his bearings in his alcoholic stupor and forgets where he was+

**Sesshoumaru**: "GYAHH! This Sesshoumaru is being attacked by a weird ningen," +Sesshoumaru looks around furtively looking for freedom from the unknown ningen+"must escape intact."

Sesshoumaru tries to flee but is detained by a horde of Sesshy fan girls, soon all that is left is his tail, waving like a white banner, off in the distance an odd disjointed sound is heard, "Kukukukuku…"and then the lands are silent again and the omnipotent Lord of the Western Lands lies vanquished by sake and fan girls. A potent combination indeed+

**Kagome: **"Sesshy-Poo? Can I paint your pweaty claws, pwease!"

**Sesshoumaru**: "" dead to the world from fan girls….

**Kagome: **"YAY! Rin come over here and lets play geisha dress up!"

Outside the stars twinkled and the Great Lord of the Western Lands discovered his most feminine side, with the kind help of a couple of ningens.+

THE END 

**-Dani. **

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Muhwahahahahaha! Me sooo evil!

**And attention to all who would disavow the fact that I did _not_ use profanity in this piece:**

**I DIDN'T because I made it clear that 'ass' meant donkey and cantankerous actuation and not something else, so HAH! Suck on that!**

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End file.
